The Santaland Diaries (2005)

Reviewed by Holly Bartges

On the surface, it would seem having a job as an elf in Santaland in a major Department store would be more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Gary Culig returns from New York to reprise his role as Crumpet in the wildly-popular production of The Santaland Diaries at the Bug Theatre.

One would be surrounded by fun toys of all shapes and sizes, a winter wonderland, talking and listening to children with wide eyes of wonder, exchanging humorous comments with delectable, happy, giddy parents by the thrust of the Christmas season, and hobnobbing with the Man himself, the furry red clothed symbol from the North Pole: Santa Claus. One would have opportunity to ask fun questions: Did Mrs. Claus always get what she wanted? Will Rudolf guide the sleigh again this year? What a grand opportunity to live a fantasy if but only for a few weeks. Ah, what a collection of stories one would have after the fantasy ride down Jingle Bell Lane.

Ah, yes, indeed.

When David Sedaris was 33 years old, and desperate for a job while waiting for his big acting break, he answered a newspaper ad as an elf in Macy’s Department Store, and he wrote about it. Joe Mantello adapted the story for the stage.

For the seventh year, Gary Culig submits to the indignity of being an out of work actor in New York, adopting the persona of Sedaris, bringing to life The Santaland Diaries at the Bug Theatre.

Because there is no particular stage direction, Culig has freedom to play in his winter wonderland of Santa Glory, and every year treats the audience to new gleaming adventures. Because of his freedom to experiment, there is never any chance of the Diaries becoming stale or old hat. This year is no different. The Santaland Diaries is as fresh and fun as it has been for the past seven years.

Directed and produced by Donna Morrison, it is difficult to tell who has more fun, Culig who prances through the Diaries with a variety of observations, comments, evaluations with a skillion emotions running loose put of their cages, Morrison who could put it all together so that every nuance would and could be read, Alex Weimer and Ashley Vinson who have more opportunity this year to romp on stage with the various goings on as Santa’s Helpers, or the audience who gets to roll with the punches watching out for surprise turns, unexpected twists, and “zingered” punch lines.

Leaving Culig somewhere in the wings, David relates his New York odyssey of finding himself face to face with desperation and a newspaper ad for Santaland elves.Corporate America is corporate America in the hiring game. It doesn’t matter whether one is applying for an executive position, or working in Men’s Wear, Cosmetics, Home Furnishings or Santaland as an elf, there are questions and policies. Questions such as: Why do you want to be an elf? Do you want to be a full-time elf, a part-time elf, or a weekend elf? There’s a manual to be read and memorized, a name to adopt, and yes, a costume to wear. At least with the elf costume, he belongs somewhere. He belongs to Santaland, which is far better than standing on the street corner handing out pamphlets wearing a peanut or French fry costume. Standing $20.00 away from walking dogs, being an elf could be rather fun. David’s greatest fear before the interview was the possibility of rejection.

In his training he discovers the names of the different parts of Santaland, names that are posted, as well as the secret codes names for what appeared to be more realistic. He learns elves must be familiar with several positions in Santaland, and that they can be switched with whatever whim comes in for a nosedive.

Oh, yes, David’s elfin name is Crumpet.

On his first day, because he played with the Magic Window in a decided anti-political manner, Crumpet was sent to the Magic Island. During breaks the elves have to wear shirts or smocks over their costumes. In the cafeteria he meets Ginger Snap who has a penchant for asking some rather silly questions.

Crumpet learns the hard way not all children are filled with wide-eyed wonder over seeing Santa. Some are frightened of the strange red man with the long white beard. Some are tongue tied, but that’s OK the mommies are eager to tell Santa what the child wants, listing presents already purchased.

He discovers many parents bringing their child to see Santa glow with the Holiday spirit. Tired, haggled, out of sort adults take over-wrought frustrations out on confused children by screaming and swearing.

David relates and demonstrates that not all Santas are the same. He works with Santa Howard and Santa Doug who causes one little girl to ask: Santa, why are you spitting on me? The worst and most perplexing of all is Santa Santa who takes himself way to seriously.

By popular demand, the strip tease returns heralded by Weimer as a Santa Claus who romps around the stage, takes to the slide, removing his costume piece by piece. To say it is a funny bit is a slight understatement. It is so deliciously funny it should be stamped into the script in large cement blocks, that is, as long as Weimer does it. Weimer has a knack for this stint that even makes me laugh out loud.

Cheryl Bailey designed Crumpet’s outfit with red and white-stripped tights, green velvet pantaloons, a yellow shirt and green velvet jacket with a black belt, and, yes, of course, the green pointed elfin hat. Michelle Baldwin designed the outfits for Weimer and Vinson. Weimer designed and carefully constructed the stage for Santaland.

Every year there is something new, every year something different. What doesn’t change is the delightful manner Culig approaches David and his elfin tale. In many ways, it matters little what is said, Culig chisels out a charm in such an artistic creative manner, that warmth explodes even when a grumpy exasperated mother screams at Crumpet she will have him fired. It’s three days before Christmas. There is now a two-hour wait to see Santa. David just as exasperated yells back “Go Ahead.”

It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen The Santaland Diaries six times already, or have never seen it, it belongs at the top of the must see, must do Holiday treats. The Santaland Diaries at the Bug is a Holiday tradition, and hopefully one that will continue for a very long time. It goes without saying, however, this is not a tradition for children who have not yet learned the ways of employment. Keep their bubbles in tact. Let them stay home and watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas.