The Santaland Diaries (2004)

Reviewed by Holly Bartges

“Santa, why are you spitting on me?” isn’t exactly the image of the wonderment of the Christmas season one wishes to dwell upon, at least for very long.

For the sixth year Gary Culig dons the demeanor of David Sedaris in the wildly-popular The Santaland Diaries at the Bug Theatre. Having a Christmas without the line “Santa, why are you spitting on me” would be like having Christmas without Santa Claus, or brightly decorated trees, or Christmas presents, or a Babe in a Manager, or carols, or parties, or camels, wise men, or shepherds.

Gary Culig reprises his role as Crumpet in the wildly-popular production of The Santaland Diaries at the Bug Theatre.

Culig and the Bug Theatre have created a tradition that is as mysteriously looked forward to as Frosty, Rudolf, and Charlie Brown’s Christmas.

Sedaris relates his experience working as an elf in Santaland at Macy’s Department Store in New York City. Having just moved to Manhattan, 30-years-old, no job, no money, he laughs at the ad he sees for elves. He laughs until he remembers his immediate circumstances. After all, he moved to New York to walk into a major role. He is an actor waiting to be discovered. That doesn’t happen.

Culig brilliantly takes the audience along for the ride of applying as an elf, the humiliation, and the panic of maybe not being hired, answering the all important question: why does he want to be an elf? He lopes through the training with over exuberant motivational nuts, and then behind a lighted curtain he changes into his elf costume. He takes us on a tour of Santaland with its toys, bears, candy canes a virtual wonderland designed by Alex Weimer that looks as glorious now as it did when it first appeared in the bright lights six years ago.

Cleverly written, and enormously humorous with appropriate slices of sarcasm, and off the cuff snide comments, it is Culig’s rubber face that easily slips from one expression to another that adds the between the lines editorializing.

He takes us on detailed tour of Santaland beginning in the “Oh My God Corner” where parents glimpse the long line for the fist time, the Vomit Corner and the Magic Tree, which to him looks like a large-scale model of the female genitalia.

Every elf has a name, and with his green velvet suit, candy cane socks, pointed elfin shoes, and floppy, pointy hat, David becomes known as Crumpet. He provides detailed descriptions of the elves he works with, including Ginger Snap who is stupid, Snow Ball who flirts with anything that comes along, the varied aggravating parents, and the idiosyncrasies of all the Santas. There’s Santa Howard, Santa Doug who spits when he talks, and Santa Santa who takes himself far too seriously singing “Away In The Manger” like Billie Holiday, and the most difficult one of all, Santa Jerome.

Throughout Crumpet’s story, Weimer bounces throughout taking on a variety of different roles with a smattering of surprises.

Culig, Weimer and a slew of behind-the-scenes operators and designers keep this hilarious show on its toes every year by adding new bits, new observations, new editorial comments. This year a familiar image pops up through the trap door. No it isn’t the Santa wearing only a red furry hat, but a highly-recognizable skeletal image.

Except for Christmas Eve and Christmas, Santaland Diaries runs every night from now through December 27. Call early for reservations, tickets are in great demand. Leave the children home to hunt for their presents. Some of the comments will beg unanswerable questions.